December 25, 2017
Dear Virginia and friends,
It has come to our attention that you may be wondering if there is a United States Congress.
“Why,” some of you are asking, “Should we believe in you when you don’t bring us any presents or do anything nice for us any more?”
Some of you are wondering if we really exist when children just like you go hungry at night, fall sick and can’t see a doctor, aren’t getting the education they need, and are being shot in malls and movie theaters.
Please, dear Children, be patient. Some day, you will understand how difficult it is to change anything in the business we work in. We need to check all our decisions in advance with our donors and sponsors, listen to what our party leaders tell us, and worry about keeping our jobs.
Those of you who, when you are our age, become politicians and millionaires like us will understand better.
And then, there are two of us, the House and the Senate, like your Mommy and Daddy, for those of you who have them. And we need to agree with each other before we can do anything. You know how that is, dear Children, it’s not easy. Can’t you just go to your rooms and play a video game and let us work on it?
And you know how it is when you’re at the playground: it isn’t easy to play nice in the sandbox. Some of the kids start quarreling about their toys and throwing sand at each other, and then they all divide up into two teams and things get nasty. But we know how throw sand in people’s eyes with the best of them, so there!
And if you’re not happy this year, just be glad it’s not next year, when we’re going to start carving away at your parents’ Social Security and Medicare and Medicaid, and your own health insurance too. If you don’t like it, go get a job.
One day you’ll be all grown up and we want you to know that we’ll always be there for you, and our thoughts and prayers are with you. And as soon as you turn 18, you’ll be paying for us to send you lots of mail, especially in election years.
Mitch and Paul