December 24, 2016, evening
It has come to our attention that you may be wondering if there is a United States Congress.
“Why,” some of you are asking, “Should we believe in you when you don’t bring us any presents or do anything nice for us?”
Some of you are wondering if we really exist when you or children just like you go hungry at night, fall sick and can’t see a doctor, aren’t getting the education you need, and are even being shot at by deranged people in malls and movie theaters.
Please, dear Children, be patient. Some day, you will understand how difficult it is to change anything where we work. We need to run everything by our donors and sponsors, and look at public opinion polls, and see what our party leaders say.
Those of you who, some day, become politicians and millionaires like us will understand better when you are our age.
And then, there are two of us, the House and the Senate, like your Mommy and Daddy, for those of you who have them. We need to agree with each other before we can do anything. You know how that is, not easy. Can’t you just go to your rooms and let us work on it?
You know how it is when you go to the playground and kids start quarreling about their toys and throwing sand at each other. Please believe us, it isn’t easy to play nice in the sandbox. The other guy is going to have to spend more at the eye doctor’s than we are, so there!
Although we aren’t giving you much of anything this year, or any year for that matter, we want you to know that we’ll always be there for you, and our thoughts and prayers are with you. And as soon as you turn 18, we’ll be sending you lots of mail.
Your Adults in the US Congress