The secret Boehner memo on Bowe Bergdahl

From: John Boehner
To: Republican Members of the US House of Representatives

Dear Colleagues,

Our friends at NSA, who know everything, have informed me that some sort of deal may be in the works for the release of a US prisoner named Bowe Bergdahl.

A) If the deal goes through, our response will be: Who is this Bergdahl guy anyhow and how did he get captured? Does he speak any foreign languages? Are we sure he is really an American? How dare this administration make deals with the likes of the Taliban? Is Obama releasing terrorists to go back to their wicked ways? His attempts to shut down the detention facility at Guantánamo, like Benghazi and Obamacare (feel free to enlarge on those themes), show the bad faith of this administration.

B) If the deal doesn’t go through, here’s our line: How dare this administration leave this poor American boy in the clutches of the Taliban for 5 long years? Has Obama no concern for the feelings of the Bergdahl parents and the suffering people of Hailey, Idaho, who have never given up hope? Our prayers are with this loyal American whose continued captivity, like Benghazi and Obamacare (feel free to enlarge on those themes) shows the bad faith of this administration.

Please instruct your staffs to choose the relevant argument whenever any news comes through.

For your eyes only.


About politicswestchesterview

Nathaniel regards himself as a progressive Democrat who sees a serious need to involve more Americans in the political process if we are to rise to Ben Franklin's challenge "A republic, madam, if you can keep it," after a passerby asked him what form of government the founders had chosen. This blog gives my views and background information on the local, state, and national political scenes. My career in higher education was mainly in the areas of international studies, foreign languages, and student advising, most recently at Franklin & Marshall College in Lancaster, from which I retired in 2006. I have lived in West Chester since 1986.
This entry was posted in Peace and War, Satire, US Senate and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to The secret Boehner memo on Bowe Bergdahl

  1. jack mcandrew says:

    Progressive democrats, how about liar. This letter is a total fabrication and you were some kind of teacher? What the duck is wrong with you.

    • Normally satires aspire to speak for themselves, but please note that the category “satire” is checked below the post.

      • John Edwards says:

        Ah, “satire”; the last refuge of a coward. By all means, present your point of view. But satire is just a license to fabricate whatever you want; then when someone calls you on it, essentially you say “I was just kidding”. John Stewart is the master of this; but you aren’t bad either.

    • Frank Rizzo says:

      Quick to comment, slow to actually let the information seep in.

  2. Harry Hoopes says:

    Shouldn’t your “let’s pretend” memo have Boehner addressing members of the House or am I just being a silly old man? Facts can be inconvenient, even if knowing them might lead people to think that you might be intelligent.

    • You are right. I edited it. Thank you. Or it could be Mitch McConnell’s memo to Senators. But now he is less interesting. Yes, satires should be as factual as possible without becoming too convincing.

  3. Eric says:

    I am a little confused as to the description of yourself. You regard yourself as a progressive deomocrat that wants to involve more americans, (and probably illegal aliens too I’ll bet) in the political process, if we are to rise to the challenge of keeping the republic? It would seem to me it’s progressive ideals like yours that are shared by our current leadership, or intentional lack of leadership, that are bringing down the very republic you claim to be trying to keep? That is, if you are truly a progressive democrat?

    It is our current presidents intention to devalue and minimize the role of the U.S. in the world. I hear so many people say Obama is “dumb” and I spend a lot of time trying to educate them on the fact that he is not dumb, but actually quite intelligent, as he continues to put his socialist unconstitutional agenda into action, unfortunately unchecked by a weakling congress.

    As for the Bergdahl issue. Letting 5 top terrorists free to get back one deserter is unbelieveable. Anyone that thinks these 5 won’t return to directing enemy forces on the battlefield has a screw loose.

    I don’t know you personally so I will give you the benefit of the doubt, as I am sure you try to be a patriotic American. Our country is at a crossroads and unfortunately, I feel we are already to late to salvage the America that our fathers and grandfathers knew. I am terrified for my son who is only two, to have him grow up in a world where personal freedoms are diminished under the guise of government control and political correctness rules the day. Peole are so willing to trade their freedoms for a little bit of security today…Albeit a false sense of security at that.

    But hey… Maybe the way I, and a great deal of other Ameicans feel now runs parallel to the climate back in 1775. We all still know what happened the year after that. The progressives haven’t yet erased that part of history from the history books.

    • Thank you Eric. I welcome dialogue. The degree of progressive and Democrat in my positions tends to vary and also to depend on the political level. Like many progressives, I had some doubts, even before he became president, about several of Obama’s appointments (see my view on two of them in Oct. 2010 at, though of course, I didn’t care for McCain or Romney at all). Obama never said he was a progressive, and he was right (nor is he a socialist, in the usual sense of Marxist-Leninist). I don’t claim to know what his intention is, but I believe his lack of military background has made him vulnerable to influences that have not helped the country (such as dragging out the Afghanistan and Iraq wars with illusory goals). Yes, obviously he is a smart man, as well as an excellent writer and speaker.

      The Bergdahl affair is a mystery to me; was it even in his interest to be exchanged and then, as things seem headed, to be punished as a deserter? My purpose in writing the satire was to show how genuine national decisions are subject to political gamesmanship. I don’t think for a minute that most Washington officials care about Bergdahl or whoever he was exchanged for, any more than they care about the Americans killed in Benghazi; it’s all about the political twists of the moment, and I find that short-sighted and reprehensible.

      No, I do not believe non-citizens should vote (or, for that matter, serve in the US military). Citizenship means something. I believe the republic does depend on participation by everyday folks like you and me; if it’s turned over to the media and corporations, we will not have kept it. Like you and Ben Franklin, I am not willing to trade liberty for temporary safety; the overreach of the spy apparatus in Washington is one of the most sinister developments of our century. I am interested in areas where the right and left wings (not good terms, inherited from the French revolutionary era) can agree; if we were not bound to a two-party system, voters would have a better array of choices and their participation would be reinvigorated. I don’t believe in erasing history; in fact, I don’t believe we can understand the present without it. Yes, 1775 should be important to Americans today, and so should prehistory, the Roman Empire, and the Middle Ages. Thanks for writing.

    • C says:

      Nicely stated Eric –

    • Phil says:

      Excellent thought.

  4. Jim says:

    File that letter next to the one used to smear George Bush about his National Guard service.

  5. Hugh Murray says:

    Wow. That’s really ….ah….weird. You must have a B.S. In B.S.

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